Routine: Everyday I wake up, I have a set plan for everything I do. I make a list, I put on my calendar I check it off as my day goes. I have done this for everyday I have been in college for the past three years and It works perfectly for me and my set and my personality. However, when quarantine happened that entire plan went away there was no day when I could wake up and tell myself exactly what to do, there was no need to go and do anything, and I felt at a loss without my daily routine. Coming back into quarantine, at school and as it progresses I have a routine but on a day to day basis it changes and that is very new for me, but I am living in that newness where its ok not to set and plan every single second of your day and just to let life happen.
Seeking: For my whole life I feel like I've been seeking for the real version of myself, and I figured that I used my head for both the movement and my life a lot because that's the top part, that's where my brain is, and to follow where my head goes will allow my body to naturally follow and to be both natural and purposeful. So I think following in my head is the best way for me to seek for what I need in my life and dance.
Frustrated: I am not a person that gets frustrated easily. I tend to have a lot of patience with people and patience with life. When things go aside and astray, I can typically pick them up and say well this is what we are gonna and this is how we are gonna make it ok. However lately, the worse things get the more frustrated I feel and I am perceived. I am learning that this is not the way to deal with things and its ok to be frustrated sometimes, but at one point you just have to give up and be like well its ok we will get through this and I donʼt need to be angry at everything and so frustrated that I canʼt live the life I thought I was going to live. Life changes day to day and this is just how my life is going to be and that is great because it is going to change things for the better.
Pealing: I feel like the way I improve myself ,or involve to another form, the main method I use is to peel. it's not like actually peeling myself but like more of a abstract feeling, is to just peal the old skin of myself and to release the new one, which is also the more real one and more raw version of myself. And it sounds really graphic, but I figured that it's actually really helpful for me to express my feeling because after I peel the stuff that used to be on me, I can just throw it away and I can completely abandon those old habits and put them at the back of my head, look forward and just keep doing my stuff
Lost: When we first entered quarantine, I had a very strict path for my life, a strict path for how I thought everything was going to be. That's just how I am and who I am. I had a plan for when I was going to graduate college and what I'm going to do and how long I'm going to do it, I am going to dance for this long and then I'm going to go to grad school. That kind of went out the window so quickly and reality kind of shattered and broke and that was terrifying. I was scared for a very long time on what I'm going to do and what new plan I'm going to have, but with that breaking and with that shattering of my whole life journey. I've learned that there are so many other new experiences that I want to have and want to do. That came out of Corona and working with people that I loved and finding new, innovative ways to move my body and creative ways to express myself and hobbies that I've never explored until now. I'm learning that I don't have to have a plan and that's okay. I'm 20 years old and I'm allowed to do that and just taking life day by day is the way that it's supposed to be done.
Breaking: Recently I find out that I have a lot of really old and continuous and stubborn habits in my dance, and that make my dance unique but also limits my creativity, and makes me feel like I'm doing the same thing over and over again. so one day my friend told me that I should give myself a character is called breaking the routine. so I find that really helpful to just try to find a new movement, new angles that I have not been before, that actually helped me a lot to break out the top of the bottle to find the new kind of style for me.
Unknown: Every day has been unknown for the past six months. We didn't know what was going to happen yet. When the quarantine started and we don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, um, every day there are day-to-day changes and that's very new for the country that we live in. I feel we are all on the same path where we continue to grow and grow and grow, and we have a set plan for everyone's life. You go to college, you get a job, you get married, you have kids. You are supposed to have this exact set plan for your life, but now everything's been tossed up and turned and everything is just sitting in this unknown place and his place is scary for me as it is scary for anyone, but I'm learning to love that place, because that is where we grow the most as human beings.
Isolated: When I was in China I don't feel like I get a lot of support from my family. I get supports financially from them but not really emotionally or mentally. so I will feel like really isolated a lot and almost fantasizing that after I go to the United States I will have my new life or maybe have a new family. maybe not blood but I'll have a supportive family. then realize that changing my location and staying away from China does not really change that point at all. and especially after the quarantine, I realize that those people that seems like are really supported and have a lot of love, seems to really have a perfect life they are actually also really lonely and feel isolated a lot just like me. and I think on the social media and society, people is always trying to pretend that they're really happy all the time but that's actually limits the way that we can express our isolated emotions.
Appreciative: I have always thought of myself as a very appreciative person of looking at the bright side of things and being grateful for everything that I've been given. There are times that I can be selfish, just as anyone else and everything in my mind goes out of all the good things in my life, but things like this happen and things of recent have happened in 2020 that just no one has ever dreamt of them happening. You work with people and working with people that are in rehabilitation care facilities that can't see family and friends and are deteriorating by the second because they are not getting the compassion and the love that every human being needs. It just brings you back to the basis of what we're here to be in. Which is being good people for each other and constantly helping each other. Loving on each other and being kind to everyone around us, because there's no point in life not to be. I'm so appreciative every day that I get to wake up and do things that I love without any hesitation, because I'm loved and I love the people around me.